When you do comedy, you’re not sitting at the grownups’ table, you’re sitting at the children’s table.

Woody Allen · Interview in Newsweek (April 24, 1978)

Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."

Woody Allen · The source reads: “There's an old joke: Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."” · Annie Hall (1977), screenplay with Marshall Brickman, opening monologue

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Woody Allen · Interview

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

The public appears disposed to be amused even when they are conscious of being deceived.

Phineas T. Barnum · The Life of P. T. Barnum: Written by Himself (1855)

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

George S. Kaufman

Ah, the first day you are on the ship you won’t be feeling very well. The second day you will be feeling better. The third day you will meet a pretty girl and then you will be nearly there.

Winston Churchill · Recorded in Martin Gilbert, 1932

“When you do comedy, you’re not sitting at the grownups’ table, you’re sitting at the children’s table.”

“Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."”

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

“It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

“The public appears disposed to be amused even when they are conscious of being deceived.”

“Satire is what closes Saturday night.”

“Ah, the first day you are on the ship you won’t be feeling very well. The second day you will be feeling better. The third day you will meet a pretty girl and then you will be nearly there.”

We Value Your Opinion Comments